I'm not going backwards

I've been thinking about this 'going private' & have decided to NOT go private after all for a number of reasons...

1.My decision to do so was purely based on fear. Fear of this blog being found & thrown in my face. But you know what? this is my story, it's not called "through my eyes" by accident. Everybody has their own truth & this is mine. I have already lost so much & am not going to lose more & allow fear to do it for me. I've lost relationships with family members & most of it is not even factual. It's a lot of chinese whispers & quite frankly I am over it. Most of it relates back to my NBM, stuff she has said to suit herself, to twist what was really said. What she happily & thoughtlessly puts out there with words that are so far from the truth it's not even funny. And then it gets passed along & goes on and on. You get the picture. One good example of late is that she tells me that my FOO doesn't want to talk to me & then she 'gloats' in the knowledge that she is the messenger..but how many messages are even real? Throw in a bit of hate & or anger & BOOM relationships just simply explode.

2. I don't talk to my FOO anyway. She wants nothing to do with me because I am toxic & evil. So at the risk of her finding this & then denying or throwing it in my face, it's actually ok. It won't be a first. This has been another thing for me, the feeling of not being able to speak my own mind & keeping quiet for others. They don't they don't at all, so why should I? I am also entitled to my opinion just like everybody else is but I find that when I do it gets denied & it's probably because they truly don't see things about themselves the way that everybody else can & what makes it worse for me is that all of these others say nothing to keep the peace, but because I speak up & then get shut down I'm a trouble maker. Basically I don't conform.

3. This stuff could be helping other people out there & I've always said if I could help someone else then none of this is wasted. I guess I am paying it forward.

4. Anonymous~ you have been on my mind & I know if I had something that was helping me in just a small way & then suddenly it was gone I know how I'd feel & as said before, fear won't be taking anything else from me.


*Ahem* 'Fear'~ you can kiss my fat ass.


So guess what BLOG it seems you're stayin♥