Monday, December 27, 2010

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

I find this hard to comprehend. My sister, who started chemotherapy on Monday and will be 5 days a week for the next 6 weeks has to go alone. No fantastic 'partner' to hold her hand, all on her own. She gets dropped off, catches 2 forms of public transport & then walks a small distance to wherever it is she has her treatment. Rain, hail or shine. In the summer sun. Or so people tell me. Even if she wants to do this alone it's still 'crap'.

And the other thing that annoys me is that we're trying to reach out to her but shes ignoring us all, our family included. So what can you do? Not much when she pretends you don't all exist.

Someone is not a man what sort of man does this? He goes back to work. But he works for his Dad at the family business. Surely something better than this can be arranged so he can drive her into the city where she needs to be. Lots of words flowing around my head at the moment. It's really disgraceful:(

Jack Johnson - You and Your Heart (Live)

@WAHOOOO Last weeeeeekk :yoU & yOuR {♥heart} shOulD'Nt FeEL sO FaR ApArT ^_^ ♪♥ ♥ ♥

love times eleventy hundred SOUNDTRACK to my life, 'to the sea' is...........

thankyou Mr Johnson ^_^


Monday, December 20, 2010

I just finished making some of the little Christmas puddings that I'd made last Christmas, to take with me tomorrow which will be my last appointment for the year. Just something little to say thank-you & to wish her a Merry Christmas. There really is nothing I could buy to show my gratitude & felt that something from the heart is probably the best thing, and just something small. And I don't make too many things like that for people, mainly because I'm either lazy, don't have the brain space. Which sounds awful I know but it's not. Not much you can give to say "Thanks for giving my life back", it's fairly huge.

Yadda yadda enough of that...:)

Sunday, December 19, 2010

I've had a really good week & feel 'empowered' to be able to go on with what is left to go on with & to do it in a positive manner:) I feel like I'm able to look from a safer distance & it feels like I've moved forward a bit more. I'm happy with where I am atm:)
I don't think it will ever be totally done, it's a work in progress, it's just life but it needs to be managed & not feared:)

Friday, December 10, 2010

Borderline Personality Disorder.....= my Mother??!! I think I might now have an answer to all of this insanity!!! and no I am not crazy but stuff actually did happen & was very real!! This is something I need to research and learn further, it could be the answer..

Never in my life have I seen that many pages bookmarked in a book let alone bookmark them myself.

So what does this mean now? It is a relief. And to find out the way shes treated me is actually nothing to do with me but it's all to do with her. I'm going to read this entire blog again (soon) and I think I will be able to see everything so much clearer and in a different light.