A new day

What a difference a good sleep can make. I think I had good sleep last night. Just a few things I've been thinking lately....


1. I've noticed when I go to the shops & am waiting for DH I spot 'Mums' & wonder what it'd be like if that person was my mum instead, and then I get carried away with it & before I know it 10 minutes has gone by & I'm thinking "What are you doing?". Has anybody else ever done this? I also think had any of these 'strangers' been my mum then maybe I wouldn't be where I am, like right now. I'd probably not also have my relationship with my DH that I do because I'd be always off with my own mum..then I think "Nahh no thanks I'll pass I'm happy with what I've got".


2. I think I might be concentrating too much time on 'all of this'. And I am putting my own life (mine personally) on hold? There are things DH & I have been wanting to do that we've put off...I do still have a collection of books here (last count is 6) & they're all either to do with self help, BPD & Narcissistic books. This is ok because I want to understand but I think after I've read these I won't be looking for anymore from the library or buying any...And I'll just take her crap as it comes.


3, Number 3 I've forgotten number 3 but I know it was important. Haha I'll come back to this soon ♥



Today has been a good day, what I need to do is to get my mind back on track...start taking care of myself a bit more...I want to lose some kilos I want to start walking again...I need to get my NBM out of my head because it's mine & I think I might be allowing her to live rent free. I'm being distracted. We also need to go and visit particular FOOS & I know in the past year I had to not do anything extra because I couldn't deal with it with my already normal life so we had to cut back & I also switched off. But I gotta switch back on now. for me. for us.

She's a waste of brain space.

I still need to take care of my inner '♥' but I also need to keep living. kwim?

I'll still read all of these amazing blogs I've been following because I want to give my support when I can & I find when someone posts something I can relate to I feel 'healed' that little bit more. I need to keep myself strong so I don't go back to where I was 12 months ago & to be honest I don't think that will happen but I do know that I have an awesome life here with my best friend & need to concentrate more on that.

We're lucky that none of this 'crap' has ruined our relationship, if anything it's made it stronger because we appreciate what we have after looking at so much 'mess' around us...

I think if I could talk to Uncle FOO about all of this he'd say ..


"Forget about your bloody Mother look at what you've got..bloody go on"..

It's time to get my cute on. to be me. for the first time in my life to really blossom into who I was born to be despite the set backs I've been dealt with. We all have something & this has been mine. But it doesn't define me. Time to switch them not out~ but into 'sleep' mode & allow myself to be in control of myself. I've already take my power back off her & FOO & now I'm scooping up what's left. I've also lately been taking much better care of my inner '♥' & have found myself thinking..
"Would you let her do that?/Would you say those things to that little girl?".."NO".. & then I change how I do things to take better care of us both. (& she knows..)

Are we pretty lucky? Yep I think so. She knows so too. I'm kinda proud of her for hanging on & & am going to keep on going where we're meant to be & to hop off this bench that we've found 'ourselves' sitting on. Everytime I think "It's too hard" & want to cry & give up I'll think of her. She deserves this & so do I. My DH deserves to have his wife back too., & fully ♥