I usually 'hate' this song because I know NBM used to love them~ because it reminds me of her & what I've not got & that hurts. And then an interesting thing happens when I do happen to listen to it (which is rare), I tend to think about her when she was really young, like before I was born. I try to imagine her & Dad at that age & think about what they might have been like. I suddenly see a different, person, one I never knew, one I wish that I could have known just to get a glimpse of.

I also feel a lot of sadness & momentarily I cry. I think for the person she could have potentially been. I think I cry for her, and for me.
For my Dad & for my FOO. For that life that we all had or at least thought we had. I know for me personally the life that I had which I loved on the whole was just 'removed'. Gone, not spoken of again. We basically picked up, and moved on but emotionally? I don't think so. I think this is also something I need to grieve for somehow in my own way. And then when I don't think about all this stuff, she just plain irritates me with her abrasive nature, her ways which she never thinks about others & all of the insanity she just hands out to everybody & it makes me want to run & hide in a hole.

When she was here on Sunday there were tiny windows where I could have let her into my heart but i quickly recognized these and saw things for what they are. She can't give 'real' she doesn't even have it for herself & to me that's a pretty sad thing for her to live with whether she knows it or not. Even when i told her a few things she looked at me as if she was looking straight through me as if I didn't register or she was zoned out. Like a little girl inside a grown up body but lost. That's how I see her now & she wants our approval. Sad hey. ♥



**I actually think this song is a classy little tune after a cry & my emotional side is a bit spent, I can actually appreciate it**