**Challenging core beliefs**
Lets say you wonder whether you really are lovable. Growing up, you endured much erratic & perhaps cruel behavior from a parent who was inconsistent with affection, raged often & projected her angry feelings onto you, accusing you of being a "bitter" person who caused fights to erupt in your wake. She always said I liked to just argue to hear the sound of my own voice :/
Today as an adult, have you noticed that you've found yourself in situations where that has indeed happened? Yes
Have you ever noticed that you react to people defensively as though they must be thinking you're a bitter person, when really they may not have any such notion?YES!
Have you lashed out at someone because you thought they were attacking you,even though they weren't? Yes
Your thoughts & subsequent actions & reinforce your core beliefs. They act as a self-fulfilling prophecy. They allow you to say "See I really am bitter". :/
That's the bad news. The good news is that once you can identify & challenge such beliefs, your experience changes too.
Today as an adult, have you noticed that you've found yourself in situations where that has indeed happened? Yes
Have you ever noticed that you react to people defensively as though they must be thinking you're a bitter person, when really they may not have any such notion?YES!
Have you lashed out at someone because you thought they were attacking you,even though they weren't? Yes
Your thoughts & subsequent actions & reinforce your core beliefs. They act as a self-fulfilling prophecy. They allow you to say "See I really am bitter". :/
That's the bad news. The good news is that once you can identify & challenge such beliefs, your experience changes too.
** The opposite might Detract**
In your effort to identify & challenge the messages you received & your core beliefs, you might be tempted to do things that are in direct opposition to your parent's beliefs & expectations for you.
**Being your own caretaker**
If you had insufficient or inconsistent nurturing from a parent when you were a child, you may still be dealing with feelings of grief, anger, & resentment over the lack of unconditional love. You may still crave the love & nurturing that children need & deserve. But it's unrealistic at this point in your life to expect unconditional love from anyone other than yourself. Certainly, you should expect - you deserve - love & nurturing from those close to you ( as well as companionship, respect, support, validation, patience & acceptance), but truly unconditional love & selfless nurturing - it's no one's responsibility but your own to provide now.
**How to nurture yourself**
If you had insufficient or inconsistent nurturing from a parent when you were a child, you may still be dealing with feelings of grief, anger, & resentment over the lack of unconditional love. You may still crave the love & nurturing that children need & deserve. But it's unrealistic at this point in your life to expect unconditional love from anyone other than yourself. Certainly, you should expect - you deserve - love & nurturing from those close to you ( as well as companionship, respect, support, validation, patience & acceptance), but truly unconditional love & selfless nurturing - it's no one's responsibility but your own to provide now.
**How to nurture yourself**
You may not have had a good role model (well I did actually just not her) for learning how to nurture yourself, but you may feel quite comfortable taking on the role of nurturing others. Just as you would do for your own child, taking care of yourself in the sense of providing unconditional love involves deep judgment. It involves tapping your own inner resources , as well as seeking healthy external resources for some of what you need.
** Old habits die hard**
Your habitual ways of thinking of seeing the world are the result of a number of things, the messages you received as a child; the subsequent core beliefs you developed; & the messages you continually communicate to yourself, to & from your own inner critic.
Your own inner critic
Your own inner critic
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