Chapter 7 Reconstructing the Past, Assessing the Present(cont)

Stop & think: What do you do to be you?

Without really thinking about it, you may do many things on a daily basis that give you pleasure, that calm & soothe you, that help you express yourself emotionally or creatively, that help you achieve a state of flow, that sense that you're on a roll, when you're so engrossed in what you're doing that you lose all track of time.

Stop & think about what some of those things are for you. What do you do that makes you feel grounded? Examples might include:

*yoga

*hiking

*running

* spending time with friends

*enjoying a good bottle of wine

*taking a bath with essential oils

*cooking

*watching a football game & rooting for your alma mater

*painting

*making love

*working in your woodshop

*petting your dog or cat

*playing squash


Stop & think:What qualities make you you?

Consider what qualities make you, you. How would your friends describe you? Are you warm, funny, ambitious, mellow? How would you describe yourself? Think about it, write it down. What makes you feel competent? What do you feel comfortable teaching others how to do? What do you know you're good at?

You've got the goods

It's not uncommon for adults who were raised in emotionally charged, unhealthy or dysfunctional homes to continue to lack a strongly defined sense of self & to struggle with self-esteem. While you may face these issues yourself, it's also important to consider the positives that have come from your experiences.
As author Wayne Muller (1992) writes in Legacy of the Heart: The Spiritual Advantages of a Painful Childhood..

"Adults who were hurt as children inevitably exhibit a peculiar strength, a profound inner wisdom, & remarkable creativity & insight. Deep within them - just beneath the wound lies a profound spiritual vitality , a quiet knowing, a way of perceiving what is beautiful , right & true. Since their early experiences were so dark & painful, they have spent much of their lives in search of the gentleness, love, & peace they have only imagined in the privacy of their own hearts".


OMG YES!! I've seen & lived the worst and now try to do the exact opposite. I find it extremely easy & it feels 'right', and if it's not, I change it or do something to make it work.

He goes on to write about how you're likely stronger than you give yourself credit for. Just simply living in your home on a daily basis & surviving took courage, determination & strength.
You probably learned to be observant, scanning your environment & those around you for cues as to what to anticipate, when to take shelter in your room, when to go out, how to respond to questions. You also likely developed your intuition & learned how to be adaptable,nimble, to adjust to change & chaotic circumstances. You developed resilience & found a place deep within you that allowed you to nurture & protect yourself to some degree.

Smiles♥


Stop & think: Positive Results

Take some time to think about the positive qualities you developed as a result of your experience. Examples might include being compassionate, empathetic, sensitive, observant, funny & able to read humour in dark situations, kind, a good judge character, appreciative, able to see beauty in ordinary things or where others are typically don't. Write your thoughts in a journal.

Also consider what you learned about others as a result of your experience. How are you a better, stronger, smarter, more insightful person?

Be Mindful of yourself.

Your inner resources served you well as a child & they likely do still today *(yep)* even though at times you may feel that they have been tapped out *(again yep)*. One way to rebuild & connect with those inner resources is to increase mindfulness. The more you know about your feeling, what you're thinking, what you're sensing the more strength, power & control you will have. The better & healthier your decisions will be.