What do you do?

When your mother isn't there for you but is there for everybody else & you & both her know it?
It's her way of always putting you in your place, of letting you know who is boss & while you live under her roof you go by her rules or you can get out.
But she never listens to you or is never there, what if your standards are actually higher than hers but because she has no boundaries she has no clue that you indeed have any. What do you do when your mother comes home & thinks the sex her daughter just had was consentual  when it's actually not at all. She doesn't look at me long enough to listen because she's too busy ranting & raving about how she wanted you to come to her first but you didn't. What if you didn't go to her first because you didn't even know what was about to happen after she went out for the afternoon you never wanted it to happen let alone plan it??!!

What if it just happened & you had no voice to speak up for yourself? What if you saying 'no' over again was not listened to & it happens anyway?

Her decibel rises, the neighbors close hear everything because she's yelling, and then she starts the phone calls to family to tell my Dad & Grandparents? .." do you know what your darling daughter has just done?". How do you answer that when all you want is for her to STOP & listen? But again she hasn't & won't.

Then how does it feel to be asked by him every week after school "HEY are you pregnant?"
How would I know I don't even have a clue.

I've never talked to my Dad about this because I feel too ashamed & he doesn't know the truth. My Grandma died not knowing the truth & that hurts the most.


I will find out tomorrow how to deal with this one & somehow find a place to let it be. I am unsure how old I actually was, 13 or 14 I have no idea which one I don't need to remember.
I feel angry but I know it will be ok & one less hurdle. It's an old chapter & it can't hurt me anymore unless I let it. Right now I feel really angry.
What would you do if this was your daughter? I know what I'd do.