Last night after the kids went to bed I went back & read my entire blog from the start up till now..listened to the songs with earphones on.. it's really interesting to see things from this side now.

I can see I had an inkling on some situations, before my appointments & that's a really interesting thing to me. And some situations, clearly none.


I also notice the past few posts where my mind was in a mess are pretty jumbled. A few others are too . I've gone back and fixed up the first post I ever made. The others I have left as they are.
It was also good to go back & really read things to do again with my NM.

It's been a very eye opening year so far.

One eye opener that was brought up to me by my psychologist, (& on her admission shes not diagnosing her shes not seen or even spoken to our Mum) but the things I am telling her about her, the things she has done, said or caused.. the things that have happened during my own life seem to be from someone that has 'BPD' & that maybe we are not dealing with a normal person here.

'Borderline Personality Disorder.'

So I came home & googled it & what do you know, it's as if someone has just explained her to me.

Scary stuff, but a huge thing to think if she does have this thing going on with her, I can breathe a sigh of relief to know that to step away is not a nasty or mean thing on my part but something that is beyond my means & something that I may have to do.


Throw alcoholism into the mix & it's almost unbearable. Actually it's often unbearable.

When I went to this appointment (when the above was mentioned), my psychologist was reading a book which she said was very applicable to me, titled 'Stop Walking On Egg Shells' which is EXACTLY how it feels when I'm having anything ever at all to do with my mum (as well as one certain sister in particular).

So I've bought the book & am waiting for it to arrive & I really look forward to reading this one. I think it's going to be extremely valuable even if she doesn't have BPD it's still going to help me in more ways than one.


She also told me a few things that happen in her family & that even though her job is a psychologist, that her own life & that to do with her own family is not 'neat & tidy' it's the same as almost every other family that is out there. So I'm not alone in thinking this is only my family.

Pretty much almost every family has some form of dysfunction it's just on different levels & when I think about people fairly close to me for example, they also have dysfunction of some sort in their lives be it now or in the past.

Actually I cannot think of one person at all who has had a normal life.