hhmm

I just went back a page & read & I don't think what I said about my FOO is completely right... I'm NOT ready to cut her out of my life not at all but what I am ready for is for the bullshit to stop. And of course this has done, because I've not seen or spoken to her.

So how I feel is this. When she can get her own life sorted out & gets rid of her hangups she has & can be a responsible person in her actions, words, choices & emotions then I wouldn't mind having a relationship with her. That's if she even wants one. I don't think it will be soon either because people have to come to their own things in their own time.

And all that is there atm is hurt, lies, jealousy & 'he said she said' words.

And she needs to stop listening to people who seem to be playing in this circle of 'dislike'. But they're her only support so, not sure when or if anything will happen. And I do know the one main person in her life is nothing short of a manipulating fucktard. It's almost as if he keeps her away from family because he knows she might 'see out'. Mind games big time, it's so easy to see.

I do know shes bullshitted to Dad, I honestly think she does not even get 'anything' yet. She's not ready to, she's trying to do this on her own & without proper help..which is what she needs.

She gets the help but it's help which is suiting herself..and not always honest help..more like omitting the truth type help. Surrounding herself with people that tell her what she wants to hear...

One good example is that she never cheated ..ah huh. Gotcha.

Nor did she ask her dickheaded  boyfriend to drive her past their house the night on which he took her on a 'date',the week before she actually left her family.. with her own family inside the house who could have been actually outside at the time taking the rubbish out or whatever they might be doing at any given moment... And I only know this because she told me when it happened.

Again she lies, denied it, said I made that up..not sure what I'd get out of this for making it up though... do you?


SO I know she is not dying of cancer & she thinks I don't care about her or am there for her. I am but I'm not going to tell her what she wants to hear nor am I going to allow her to use her self being sick as any sort of leverage.

At any moment that her cancer is or will become 'unstable' I'll be very available to her if and when she wants it. Until then, shes got to sort her own self out because right now together, we're no good and the brick wall is full of holes that I can't fix & I won't. It's insurmountable.