So I've had a bit of a break from blogging but need to pick it back up before I lose it, which is pretty easy to do.

Lots happened in the last 4 weeks. Meeting mums new boyfriend was one of them, and I have to say, hubs & I were both pleasantly surprised.

Things seem to be on a whole new level with him around, very blown away but he's pretty much on the same page as we both are, and of course it's early days but shes not going to be able to get away with a real lot as long as he is in the picture. And things are appearing pretty serious..

My psychologist was very happy with the way the turnaround in recent events have left me in a much more positive light. This is the first time in my adult life too that mum is actually holding her mouth, and it's very apparent now that I am parent & she's the child. I almost feel sorry for her. She's truly got no idea on life at all. So we're thinking this boyfriend of hers, is going to be a good influence. For now, things are looking up.


I also know compared to this time last year, it has been a huge turnaround for me, mentally & emotionally & just within myself in general. I felt like there was a part of me that was actually going a little bit crazy & then I also knew that there was 'me' underneath all this stuff (the real me), but somehow (as you do) was still able to keep it things running fairly normal.
You still have to run a house and do all of the regular things, life just doesn't stop for you because there is a 'problem'.

I also know it was just a build up of stress & everything I've dealt with this year, underneath the surface just ready to boil over. And it often did. I also found myself doing or saying nasty things, and I never liked what I was 'seeing' often later on when I was on my own and had time to process things & think. And I knew that I wanted me back, time to get rid of all the junk.

Another thing that has been on my mind lately is, what am I going to do with this blog when I'm finished? I know you can get them printed up into a book but I'm not sure I'd really want to read it, but then again I probably would at some point. I've also wondered and it's because our eldest 2 are growing up, will they ever know the truth about me, their mum? Do they need to know details? Am I one day going to be just another 'book' on the shelf in 100 years time where my Grandchildren & Great-Grandchildren knew nothing much about me just hearsay from whoever is around or asked. And just how much do you want them to know?

I'm still not sure but guess in time that is something I will have to figure out. I've thought what is the benefit of them knowing but I also know this is my truth and the truth is an important thing to me, I'd almost feel like I am lying to them.

But that's another day, another chapter I'm not near yet.