Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Happy New Year !! 2011


I'm happy it's the New Year, a new start.

It's a satisfying feeling when you notice that things are different and you've not really done or tried anything different lately, they're just happening on their own & then as a result, you're able to see much clearer. Without a doubt it's also been the result of the past 9 months. Time & money well spent & I recommend it to anybody.

People who say therapy is 'hogwash' have obviously never gotten anything from it 0r maybe even been to anybody.. to see that it's something really valuable that they can actually do for themselves. It seems to have this stigma attached that this sort of thing is a 'weakness' and not to be talked about, almost an embarrassing thing,which is really quite sad.

For example, depression .. even any sort of 'invisible' illness that so many of us suffer from, we just sweep it under the rug but meanwhile, our families are having to deal with 'us' at the same time. So we don't really notice anything, but they do. And it's not pretty.

And sometimes it's just 'stuff' that seems to be handed down through generation to generation & they're things that have been put into the too hard basket when the truth is, it's harder to live that in the end than it is to try to solve them. It's just knowing how to and where to go & committing yourself and giving it and you, time.

What is worse, to say out loud that you need some help or to keep living a life of inner turmoil? I know what I'd rather, & I also know that it's nothing to be ashamed of & I think that if my journey & experiences can help just one other person out there then all the pain has been worth it.
And it's nice to be able to do that in a healthy manner and not be destructive to my inner self, who actually does matter. I'm glad I've afforded myself this time & to be who & where I am now I had to go through this process, & will probably still be on it in some way or another, for the rest of my life.

One thing is that I know I've not really been kind to myself (near enough) I'm pretty hard on myself & it's now that I've changed that way of thinking. I'd never 'talk' to anybody else the way I tell myself things, so what's the difference? Nothing.


Another thing I've been doing is still 'purging'

Firstly just simply observing each situation, & sometimes not liking what I'm seeing/remembering but instead being able to stop what I am doing, physically go write them down, read it & then they've been acknowledged (by me) & then I have been just 'burning' it.
So forgive me while I purge some more. Some of it I may have already in blog posts gone, there's that much I can't remember anymore without trawling back.. all I know is that it surfaces and I'm releasing & some of it I will be able to forget & other things I'll never forget but I can move on from.

There's heaps more but I think this is enough, the rest is going in the bin where it belongs.


*Edited 5th Jan: binned*

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