A really interesting book I've just started reading which was from the recommended books list, listed in the back of the 'Borderline Personality Disorder' book that I just ordered & read. I also think I will be buying this one. I'm going to put a lot of it in here because I think this is a big answer to the problem. Again, I feel like I have helped to write this book, at least what I have read so far, the same as the first book that I've finished reading. Scary stuff but also a huge relief and a weight off my shoulders.
Introduction -My own personal answers to this book are marked in red.
Did you feel responsible for your parent's happiness & guilty if you felt happy yourself? yes
Were you accused of things you hadn't done? yes
Did you feel damned if you do & damned if you didn't, that whatever you did or said was the wrong thing (& boy would you pay for it)?yes
Did you feel manipulated at times? yes
Feel appreciated one minute & attacked the next? yes
Thought you must be crazy because a parents actions or reactions didn't make any sense? Questioned your own intuition, judgement or memory believing you must have missed or misinterpreted something? yes
Did you feel on guard all the time, that life with your parent was never predictable? YES!
*You weren't crazy, not then, not now although it may still feel that way.
What felt crazy-making to you may well have been being parented by someone who had traits of borderline personality disorder.
Though relatively common, BPD is often overlooked or misdiagnosed by therapists & clinicians & denied by those who suffer from it. It's a confusing, complex disorder that's extremely difficult for all involved: for the person with BPD, for the clinicians trying to understand & help their client, & perhaps most of all, for the children who have to endure it's unpredictable effects.
No one chooses their parents, & as young children, once you're brought into this world, you're not in a position to opt out of your relationship with them. In fact, you desperately need them - to provide food & shelter, to prompt you to learn, to model ways to interact with society, to nurture you to show affection, & to provide unconditional love.
A parent with BPD, however may not have been able to consistently provide all of these things to you, through no fault or deficit of yours. They may not have received that kind of care themselves. It may seem ironic, but your parent may actually have consciously or unconsciously reinforced YOU as the caretaker to meet his or her needs, to be the nurturer & provider of emotional support, even though you were a young child. YES!. So hang on, in hindsight, has she done me a huge favour? Maybe so....
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