We made these 'plates' at my brothers Pre-school not long after Dad moved out so I was either in grade 4 or 5 & it's obvious as to what was going on. I remember getting into trouble from one of mums friends and her saying to me in a condescending tone "Why did you have to write that on it"? ...fucking bitch where are you now & did you know the truth? Probably not. Were you qualified to comment? Most definitely not.

So clearly this is the shit kids say and do when they feel in the middle of both of their parents. You love them both, equally. I remember saying they can cut me in half and each side will go live with each parent even though I knew it was not possible but it's how I felt. Equal, keep it equal..no choosing one over the other & don't make me feel like I have to make that choice either. But the constant put downs of my Dad in front of people that we knew and also strangers who then thought my Dad was the biggest arse on this side of the earth was really bad in so many ways. They'd look at you like you were to be pitied and also some sort of freak that had this weird life. Or at least that's how i felt. Fuckers.

Then years later, my sister says.."Why does it bother you so much Mum & Dad divorced who cares". thanks. I care but you were too young to know anything really but you certainly cared when it was ** whom she later broke up with. Weirdo. So selfish just like Mum is sometimes. Well a lot not just sometimes.
She says all sorts of shit, no empathy for anybody ever. Wonder where she learnt that from...

Anyway I have an appointment at 9 tomorrow and I'm a bit annoyed in the sense that 'yet again' it will be my Mum & sister that I talk about and not the things that I had planned to talk about. And if I leave it and talk about what I wanted, I will have those 2 in my head for 2 weeks more. Maybe I can decide in the morning what to do. I want the whole hour just for them to be able to go back & feel & let go & know I've given it my all. This is something I am getting stuck on, letting go of myGrandparents.


I need more than an hour 2 hours would be great. I can see my post is pretty angry again but I feel somewhat calm inside now that its out which is what I need to do..I need to purge.