*Different Relationships with Different Children~

Adult children of Borderlines may experience conflict with siblings who have different perceptions of the same mother. One patient lamented that her brother accused her of neglecting their elderly mother. The patient had been abused by her mother & minimized contact to reduce the possibility of conflict. Her brother however was the designated all-good child & shared his mothers negative perceptions of his sister. Thus, conflicts are common amongst siblings who have different relationships with the same borderline mother.

This would be how I would explain the relationship with both of my younger siblings. I'm the eldest & the scapegoat, my sister the second born is the no-good child whom in our NM's eyes can never do anything right & our brother, the 3rd born is the golden child. It's also interesting that he is a boy..
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When feelings regarding traumatic experiences are not worked through, emotional growth is stunted. Therefore parents must allow the child to express intense emotion in order to prevent repression of the feelings. Very often the traumatic experience is never discussed, let alone worked through.

I cannot disregard this & strongly wonder if this is what happened when my NM was taken from her own Mother & given to her FOO to be raised by them. In her own home & then gone the next & very possibly told to just simply get on with living her life. Thus BDP developed??
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Messages from the Queen Mother

*"You deserve the best, but i deserve better" this is often blatantly obvious
*"What's mine is mine, & what's yours is mine" & so is this...
*It's never enough" every request she makes must be fulfilled & they become never-ending
*"I love you when I need you" my Nm never rings me for no reason, never to just say hello it's only when she wants something or to get me to do things for her: read often sucking up for me to do things for others so that in a roundabout way she looks good.
*"I resent you needing me" she's not there for me in my time of need. I could count on 1 hand.
*"I am a special exception" of course she is. She thinks everybody needs/wants/ adores her
*"The rules don't apply to me" true
*"I deserve more" she admitted to my foo she is remarrying for material possession & that she won't be in a relationship with him and come out with nothing :/
*"It's never good enough" of course not


The Witches messages to her children

*"I could kill you" she's said so many times "I brought you into this world i will take you out". And shes deadly serious & I can see now the 'witch' is truly out when shes in this mood
*"You'll be sorry" LOL
*"You won't get away with this" she is always right & if you defer from her you will pay
*"You deserve to suffer" see above
*"I'd be better off without you" she told me last year after I told her some home truths that her friends tell her to just dump me that I'm not worth it but then she tells them that I have problems
*"You'll never escape my control" no but the electric gate where i live & my refusal to answer every phone call certainly helps
*"It's my right as your parent to control you" I'm still at 35 years old "a child"
*"I'm going to make you pay". Of course NM.


Run,run,run & don't look back....and then amidst all of this she can be loving & appears to care about me. She's who I want her to be she's warm she's laughing & so am I...